.
.Stop, wait and let go
By Vatsala Kaul Banerjee
Let's face it. Many of us have latched on to people and things that have hurt us, angered us, made us sad and caused us stress. We tell ourselves that it doesn't make sense a thousand times over. But still come up with that 'one more' reason (read, excuse) to hold on.
In turn, they continue to clutter our lives, making us choke to the extent that our daily activities begin to get affected. In this futile attempt to hold on, we forget that letting go is not just liberating (yup, it takes that big load off your chest and you go, "Whew, I have done it!") but also boosts health and happiness.
As Swiss poet, novelist and painter, Hermann Hesse once said, "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." This year, read on to know when you should muster up that courage and let go to welcome a whole new life.
1. When something or someone that should give you happiness gives you grief.
Whether it's a family heirloom sofa that sticks into your derriere every time you sit on it or a person whom you have expected happiness from gives you nothing but pain, it's clearly time to let go.
Somewhere between our conditioning to make things work as much and for as long as possible and an unthinking discarding of whatever doesn't work the first time round, there is a middle path-when your head and heart both begin to say, 'Hello, why exactly are you going on with this!' and you know it's simply time to let go.
2. When someone hurts you.
When a relationship is mentally and/or physically abusive, the first resort should never be to bear it, but to seek remedy. If counselling works, great; if it doesn't, it's clearly time to move on. Don't try to find reasons and excuses: he was a good person, he had a fine core once: if it's not showing up for any length of time, it's time to let go. Nothing-not your love, nor your children's future, is worth the warping of mind, body and soul that mental and physical violence cause.
3. When something or someone has not really been part of your life for a length of time.
For things, they say, throw away anything you haven't used in six months. If you are a hoarder, increase that to two years, maybe. But after that, bin it. For people and relationships, it depends: if you have been actively trying to keep a relationship going, with no response or improvement in the positive aspects of the relationship, be it with family or friends or colleagues-stop. It's time for the deep freezer.
4. When something or someone is causing you to be dysfunctional in daily, normal life.
You can't work because your mother/father/sister/brother/partner/friend is dominating your life and your decisions, or interfering so much in the kind of personality you are, or in the kind of things you want to do, that you find it hard to be yourself, to be normal. If you have to constantly work against being yourself and always sacrifice on how you want to lead your life, it's time you scratched those names out as far as possible from your list of priorities.
Says Dr Jitendra Nagpal, consultant psychiatrist, VIMHANS and Moolchand Medcity, New Delhi, "An increasing level of criticism, impatience, intolerance, unresponsiveness, callousness and jealousy are signs that you need to reprioritise.
Constant indifference, a desensitisation to love and the thought that you're getting a raw deal tell you it may be time to let go."
5. When something or someone is beyond any reasonable control.
It could range from a pet that needs to be put to sleep, to a boyfriend/girlfriend who is overpossessive or unfaithful, or a job or colleague that gives you unending grief-rather than being full of negativity about the situation, it's best to end it.
"There's no point in living with 'baggage', some make-believe past glory and accommodating it into your life," says Nagpal. There are some situations you just can't help. Accept it and go forward. Understand that sometimes you have to live with some emptiness inside you, but the pain will cease with time. Dr Vivek Benegal, additional professor of psychiatry, NIMHANS, Bengaluru, says, "It's extremely important to let go when you lose someone and move on, or else you would risk mummifying the person's memory leading to prolonged grief."
6. When there's no love, nor need, nor desire.
Emotional commitment keeps most of us afloat, but when that is absent, there is very little that can help you go on. Loveless bonds may go on because they are convenient, but rather than enriching us, they only drain and drag us down. In such a situation, nothing works like letting go.
However, even as you must be open to letting go whenever required, remember you are the best person to analyse if you've reached a situation when you truly need to let go and not do it just for the sake of convenience. "It's always a good idea to talk to a friend or family member you are close to, before taking a decision," advises Nagpal....
By Vatsala Kaul Banerjee
Let's face it. Many of us have latched on to people and things that have hurt us, angered us, made us sad and caused us stress. We tell ourselves that it doesn't make sense a thousand times over. But still come up with that 'one more' reason (read, excuse) to hold on.
In turn, they continue to clutter our lives, making us choke to the extent that our daily activities begin to get affected. In this futile attempt to hold on, we forget that letting go is not just liberating (yup, it takes that big load off your chest and you go, "Whew, I have done it!") but also boosts health and happiness.
As Swiss poet, novelist and painter, Hermann Hesse once said, "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." This year, read on to know when you should muster up that courage and let go to welcome a whole new life.
1. When something or someone that should give you happiness gives you grief.
Whether it's a family heirloom sofa that sticks into your derriere every time you sit on it or a person whom you have expected happiness from gives you nothing but pain, it's clearly time to let go.
Somewhere between our conditioning to make things work as much and for as long as possible and an unthinking discarding of whatever doesn't work the first time round, there is a middle path-when your head and heart both begin to say, 'Hello, why exactly are you going on with this!' and you know it's simply time to let go.
2. When someone hurts you.
When a relationship is mentally and/or physically abusive, the first resort should never be to bear it, but to seek remedy. If counselling works, great; if it doesn't, it's clearly time to move on. Don't try to find reasons and excuses: he was a good person, he had a fine core once: if it's not showing up for any length of time, it's time to let go. Nothing-not your love, nor your children's future, is worth the warping of mind, body and soul that mental and physical violence cause.
3. When something or someone has not really been part of your life for a length of time.
For things, they say, throw away anything you haven't used in six months. If you are a hoarder, increase that to two years, maybe. But after that, bin it. For people and relationships, it depends: if you have been actively trying to keep a relationship going, with no response or improvement in the positive aspects of the relationship, be it with family or friends or colleagues-stop. It's time for the deep freezer.
4. When something or someone is causing you to be dysfunctional in daily, normal life.
You can't work because your mother/father/sister/brother/partner/friend is dominating your life and your decisions, or interfering so much in the kind of personality you are, or in the kind of things you want to do, that you find it hard to be yourself, to be normal. If you have to constantly work against being yourself and always sacrifice on how you want to lead your life, it's time you scratched those names out as far as possible from your list of priorities.
Says Dr Jitendra Nagpal, consultant psychiatrist, VIMHANS and Moolchand Medcity, New Delhi, "An increasing level of criticism, impatience, intolerance, unresponsiveness, callousness and jealousy are signs that you need to reprioritise.
Constant indifference, a desensitisation to love and the thought that you're getting a raw deal tell you it may be time to let go."
5. When something or someone is beyond any reasonable control.
It could range from a pet that needs to be put to sleep, to a boyfriend/girlfriend who is overpossessive or unfaithful, or a job or colleague that gives you unending grief-rather than being full of negativity about the situation, it's best to end it.
"There's no point in living with 'baggage', some make-believe past glory and accommodating it into your life," says Nagpal. There are some situations you just can't help. Accept it and go forward. Understand that sometimes you have to live with some emptiness inside you, but the pain will cease with time. Dr Vivek Benegal, additional professor of psychiatry, NIMHANS, Bengaluru, says, "It's extremely important to let go when you lose someone and move on, or else you would risk mummifying the person's memory leading to prolonged grief."
6. When there's no love, nor need, nor desire.
Emotional commitment keeps most of us afloat, but when that is absent, there is very little that can help you go on. Loveless bonds may go on because they are convenient, but rather than enriching us, they only drain and drag us down. In such a situation, nothing works like letting go.
However, even as you must be open to letting go whenever required, remember you are the best person to analyse if you've reached a situation when you truly need to let go and not do it just for the sake of convenience. "It's always a good idea to talk to a friend or family member you are close to, before taking a decision," advises Nagpal....
2 comments:
Thanks for posting. Miss your writing so much.. was waiting impatiently for you to post.
Nice One!
Thanks Sweta appreciate your kind words...your profile is not open would appreciate it if i can have a peek at yours too.
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